Freak Systems

Crap Chores

Science is king. It is in command. It is behind everything we value in modern life and we couldn’t live without it. We are slaves to it, perhaps, but it is our friend. And it keeps getting better. New inventions, new technology, new ways to run your life efficiently. Novel modes of work and play. It is a godsend. Who wants to live only by their wits and imagination? Now it is all done for you. You sit back and react.

Well, almost everything is done for you. Take housework–that dreaded weekly chore. It is still as antiquated as churning butter or beating rugs outdoors. It is still one person wielding a vacuum and a dust mop. It is still making the rounds of the furniture with Pledge and scrubbing the kitchen sink. Whether it is you or someone else, it is a singular, uninviting job. You put it off indefinitely.

Where is that robot maid of the future we saw glimpses of a decade ago in those magazine ads? We are settling for a small bot that does a bit of pickup on the floor. Big deal. It still crashes into the furniture. Where is the mechanical person who can put dishes in the machine, load the laundry, wax the linoleum, and make the beds? I would pay a pretty penny for it. Wouldn’t you?

Close your eyes and contemplate this marvelous vision. A full-size robot maid is taken out of the kitchen closet where she has been carefully stored. Not just some robot vacuum cleaner that you turn on, or schedule to run around your home and bump into things, but a full sized robot. The kitchen closet is her resting space. You check the batteries and they are loaded and ready to provide the required juice for the day. No cords to trip over. She is light weight and rather attractive as robots go. You turn on the starter switch and watch her come to life. Her eyes glow. Hi, John, she croons. And she’s off.

Fast as lightening she tackles the dirt and dust of your home. She knows just where to go. She tidies up and puts things in their proper programmed place. She knows the ropes because you have told her every detail! She can operate a can opener or a vacuum, it doesn’t matter. The stove is her forte. You have called all the shots before. There is no limit to her gifts if you have done your part. Programming for this model is a real breeze as it included voice commands. Wow! Science at its most practical. I love it. What will they think of next—a robot gardener, a robot pool man? Maybe a robot baby sitter!

The floors sparkle and the bot maid is off to the laundry room. She knows just the right amount of powdered soap. She folds clothes like a whiz. Perfection. Everything is pristine. When she is in the shop, you pine for her perfection. But she is healthy most of the time with regular maintenance. Cleaning is her strength and you praise her work. Thanks, John, she coos sweetly. You smile.